Wednesday, September 08, 2010


Today, I went for a run. Just 2 miles, and I don't necessarily feel great abut it. I've long known that I seem to live in extremes - either I am one thing or I am the other. I'm not good with shades of gray. This is true with running, eating healthy, even writing in my blog, it seems. And, stemming off of this, once I'm in "off" mode, I seem to get paralized sometimes - and it's so hard to get back to the "good" side of things.  I sometimes wonder if my difficulty to "switch" has to do with the fact that I really struggle with change. I find it much easier to let myself stay stuck - even when it's detrimental to me.

Slipping on my somewhat snug running clothes (because bad habits definitely produce results), I felt nervous about trying to switch back to healthy me. Ed was out doing a pre-run so that he could run my small distance with me, and, as I waited, I wondered if I was ready to try to go back to this. If it would work - and if I would be able to make myself run again tomorrow and this weekend. Can I really switch back to on?

I'm still not sure that I have an answer to that - the run was hard and I felt achy and tight. But, maybe it will get better.

I have emailed my doctor to set up an appointment about my leg, but I don't really have much in the way of hope yet. We'll see.

Thanks to those lovely few who are still reading, even though it seems like I'm continuing to write the same messages every few months. Hopefully change will eventually arrive.