Injury Update

So, I had my follow up appointment with my physiatrist today, and had to report that there really wasn't any improvement. The one thing that does seem a bit better is the spot of nerve pain on the top of my foot seems to have improve, which is exciting. Of course, that is the one spot of pain that doesn't generally bother me - only when I touch it - but I'm still pleased to have something.

On the downside, this doctor is now out of of ideas for what he can do to me. So, I'm being sent off to a new doctor, this time a neurologist. I was honestly almost in tears when he told me that his only idea left would be to try to limit the pain with medication and exercise. Since that's what I've been doing the last 3 years with no success, this really isn't a good option. It's frustrating to have yet another medical professional tell me his is at a loss.

However, he did mention one thing that might have hope for me. Apparently there are Chronic Pain Centers, where they should hopefully be better trained to deal with my kind of pain. They can do something called a "Peripheral Nerve Block." The fact that my pain is a tingling/burning means it has to be a nerve thing, and since the nerves from the spine don't seem to be involved, it would make sense that the peripheral nerves are involved. They aren't trained at my center to do this kind of work, but maybe there's a slight hope. Downside is I'm concerned that my insurance won't cover it. That worries me, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. At the end of the day, it's worth a fairly substantial amount of money to me to not be in pain any more, so I'm open to it.

In much more lovely news, we had an amazing trip to Point Reyes! Pictures coming soon :)

On a Lighter Note...

Since I don't like having up a negative post for too long, here are some photos from recent activities that have been lots of fun. 

First up, a delicious dinner from last week. Ed tried a new sweet and spicy rub on our salmon, which featured brown sugar and cumin, and was probably the best salmon we've ever had at home. We also experimented wiht roasting slices of zucchini in the oven, which transformed it into amazingly sweet and tender bites. The mashed potatoes, unfortunately, were better in theory than in practice, as we tried a new kind of potato (white rose), that ended up being a bit gummy. Still, a beautiful looking and great tasting meal. 

Second, Ed and I went for a short but beautiful hike on Veteran's Day, since I had it off. We went up to Skyline Ridge, where we had one of those rare days where you could see right to the ocean, with nothing in your way. It was windy and cold, but great. I also got to try out a new purchase - a hiking skirt! It's made of the same material as hiking shorts, is waterproof and SPF up to 50, and it really comfy.  I liked it's longer length, and wicking waist :). 

Last, today is Ed's 30th birthday, and we celebrated with some homemade deliciousness. For dinner, we had roasted red pepper lasagne, a newer recipe I've been trying that is both healthy and tasty. I even roast my own bell peppers for it.

And, of course, what birthday would be complete without cake! This was a healthyish recipe that still tasted plenty decedant and delicious. 

We're now off to Stinson Beach tomorrow morning for Ed's birthday race - a 15ish mile race at Stinson Beach with PCTR. I'll be, unfortunately, bringing my laptop and working on lesson planning instead of enjoying the trails, but am looking forward to cheering him at the finish. Afterwards, we're up to Point Reyes, which should be lots of fun - neither of us have ever gone!

So, I moan and groan, but there are plenty of great things going on :)

Nada

*in all fairness of a warning, this post is generally a not so happy post, and probably not all that entertaining to read*

Unsurprisingly, the shot didn't work. It was, perhaps, a bit unrealistic to think that, after the other steroids I've tried, that this would be different. If anything, my leg has been a bit more sore lately. It might just be that I'm more conscious of the pain, since I had a small hope that it would get better, but it's been hard to get to sleep, lately, and it's just making me feel defeated.

So, onto another appointment. I'm not sure what we'll try next, I just hope the doctor doesn't give up. At this point, I think I need to stop thinking of this as an injury - it's just chronic pain. Maybe it started with a calf injury, but it seems impossible that over 3 years later, that injury is still in effect. I have another chronic pain issue that isn't connect to running, and I have wondered if somehow they're connected to each other. In any event, chronic pain sucks, and I'm worried that it will never go away.

However, with all of that, I am gearing up to start being active again. If this is just pain, not an injury, and it isn't going away, I need to suck it up and be active again, so that I can be healthy. I've already gotten back to eating healthier, and Ed and I are going for a hike tomorrow.

I think I need to figure out how to not let myself get (stay) down with this pain. These last few months, since I started back up with school, I think I've sort of let it overwhelm me and have felt a bit sorry for myself. Which, I know, has made for very entertaining postings. But, this is where I am.

And, if anyone knows of any exciting ways to deal with chronic pain, I'm all ears :)

Trying something a bit more aggressive

Thought I would take a moment to mention the current excitment with my leg - after an unsuccessful bout with both an anti-inflammatory and a nerve pain medication, plus a very healthy looking MRI, my new doctor suggested we try an epidural. Before this, I was really only aware of epidurals being used for giving birth, but apparently, this is a common diagnostic/treatment for leg and back pain. The idea was that if the epidural works (targeting the nerves that go down my left leg), then it will be doubly good - we'll have pinpointed where the pain is emanating from and I'll also hopefully have relief from the pain.

So, this morning, I took the day off work, and Ed drove me up to the surgicenter for my 6:30 am appointment. They were very insistent about not putting anything in your mouth after midnight, the night before the procedure - no food or drink, but also no brushing your teeth, gum, mints, etc. I was worried I would forget in my tired morning state, and found it very hard to leave the house with unpleasant morning breath and no hope of a remedy. At least all the other patients there were in the same boat :P.

Just after 6:30 I headed back to my prep room, where I got changed into the oh so attractive booties, gown and cap, and got an IV put in to keep me hydrated. Apparently I was thirsty, as my body was quickly downing my IV bag. Ed got to hang out with me until it was time for the main event, while I lounged in my "hospital bed" (though, apparently, this is a misnomer here, since this wasn't a hospital. In any event, it looked like the ones on tv :)).

Around 7:30, a new nurse wheeled me back to the procedure room, where I was laid on a metal table and hooked up to some new machines. They gave me a mild sedative "cocktail" which, honestly, didn't seem to do a whole lot. I still felt pretty coherent during the whole process. What was pretty cool about the procedure was that they were doing a live x-ray during it, to make sure the needle went into the right places in my spine, so I could see it as it was happening. It hurt  a bit, but I was expecting much worse - it was over before I knew it!

Afterwards, I got wheeled to recovery, where I had to sit for 30 minutes. And, that was that. Now my back and leg are hurting a decent amount, which is to be expected. I'm told it will be 2-7 days until I feel the positive effects, if it worked. Since the extra pain today is in the normal area, I'm feeling hopeful.

In an ironic coincidence, my mom was also donning a surgical gown today for a hip replacement, including also getting an epidural. I got to chat with her before she went in for her procedure and tell her about mine. Hopefully hers will be just as easy going!

Dick Collins Firetrails (My Husband's Race Report!)

This past weekend, my husband completed his first 50 mile race!!! I'm so proud of him for accomplishing this goal and doing such a great job. Happily, Ed offered to write up his own race report. So, here is the race from a new 50 mile runner's (and, fair warning, a weak stomached person's) perspective :). 

It was just over three years ago, when my (now) wife invited me to crew for her as she ran her first 50 mile race at Dick Collins Firetrails. We watched “A Race for the Soul” for motivation the night before; then I cheered as she ran off into the dark wilderness. I took a nice hour long nap in my car before spending the next 11 hours driving through the beautiful east bay mountains (which was my first time in this area), refilling her water bottles, and doing my best to lift her spirits. At then end, I yelled “go Addy!” as loud as I could, and she crossed the finish line with a smile on her beautiful face. I was so proud and had a crazy thought in my mind – “Could I ever do this?”

Three years and many races later (including four 50 km races, three marathons, five 30 km races, and three half marathons), I was back at Dick Collins Firetrails, only now I was entering into the dark wilderness (okay, a paved lake trail) as my wife cheered and headed back to the car for a quick nap.

I knew I was physically ready for 50 miles, but what I didn’t know was how everything else would hold up. It would be an emotional journey that is still churning in my mind.

The first few miles were filled with excitement. I started off in the middle of the pack, trying to slow myself down for the first half of the race, knowing I’d pay the price if I didn’t. I overhead a conversation right behind me – “Yeah, I reread Addy’s blog” as another remarked, “Her husband is running the race.” This definitely put a smile on my face.

I couldn’t believe it as I started going up the first hill, EVERYONE was walking - a marked difference from my shorter races where I tend to stay toward the front of the pack and push up hills most of the race. This really helped convince me that it’s okay to take it easy. I constantly looked behind to take in the gorgeous sunrise on this perfect day.

The next 12 miles were great – I settled into a good pace, although I was worried that I was going a bit too fast. I knew this part of the race the best and there were plenty of other people around to keep from getting bored.

Once I got up to Skyline Gate at mile 15, Adelyn was there waiting for me.

I promised to slow down the pace, she refilled my water and gatorade, and I was on my way. From Skyline Gate to Sibley Park, it was pretty much the same feeling. I started passing people, but tried to slow down and just enjoy the scenery. I entered the Sibley aid station and what a surprise! Adelyn was there to greet me once again. Just after me came a huge group of runners. I didn’t stay long and headed off. 

Eventually, the Golden Hills Marathoners started coming from the other direction (including Leor Pantilat on route to his course setting day) as well as the Firetrails frontrunners (including Dave Mackey on route to his own amazing race). The views going along the ridge were amazing!

Last year, when I ran the Golden Hills Marathon, it was completely foggy in this area. Finally, I arrived at the Lone Oak aid station, knowing that I was over half way done.

At this point, this first signs of fatigue started. I was around a 9 hour pace and Adelyn reminded me that this section going up hill is not as bad as it seemed, but to keep it slow. I was able to run a good portion of this climb, but it definitely started to take its toll on me. It seemed to take forever and my pace got slower and slower.

However, reentering the shade again revived me and I cruised into Skyline Gate (mile 37) feeling great. Yes, I can do it! 13 miles – and there’s only a couple more hills. However, this is when everything started falling apart.

I took it nice and easy through Redwood Regional Park, but my stomach kept getting queasier and queasier. By the time I reached Big Bear Staging Area, Adelyn was yet again waiting for me. I had to sit down for a few minutes. I hydrated myself well all day, took in plenty of salt, and never felt deficient on calories. But yet there I was, 8.5 miles from the end and the nausea was overwhelming. I walked up the last big hill, but it didn’t take too long before I had to go to the side of the trail and vomit. At least it’s out of my system, and now I can finish the race, right? Wrong! The nausea just got worse.

I ran a little and made it to Bort Meadows where I sat down again being helped by the amazing volunteers. I forced myself to get up, but as soon as I did, I felt like vomiting again. I started walking back to my chair, but knew that it wasn’t a smart idea. The volunteer asked if this was my first 50 miler (is it that apparent?), and he said this is just part of the territory. That actually helped. The fact that I went 40 miles + without any real problems is pretty darn good. I got up and walked. Even though I vomited a couple more times, the nausea never subsided. My 9:30 goal vanished and I thought maybe I could get 10 hours if I was able to run the last few miles. But that didn’t happen  - I tried jogging a bit with no avail.

Finally, I saw the finish and ran the last half mile, even doing a little sprint to the end.

I saw my time, 10 hours, 22 minutes, and laid down on the ground. Adelyn came over to congratulate me and brought the chair, but all I could think about was throwing up. I couldn’t reflect on my incredible journey, enjoy the amazing bbq, or converse with fellow runners. However, I did manage to make it to the restroom nearby and probably scare a few more people with my wretched sounds. Adelyn got the car and we drove home. I tried sleeping most of the ride home (what do you know – 50 miles actually makes you sleepy) and managed to eat some chicken broth at home.

The post race feeling the next day was very different from my other races. My legs actually weren’t sore at all – just a little pain in the bottom of the foot and my 2 big toe nails. I didn’t have a headache or feel dehydrated. On Monday is when I really started reflecting on the race. I felt sad the entire day. I was disappointed in my performance, but at the same time I really enjoyed the experience. Despite the not so successful finish, I was actually anticipating the chance to redeem my performance next year. If only I paced myself better, if only I had a better nutrition strategy… Adelyn really helped me appreciate what I had accomplished. I COMPLETED 50 miles, still qualified for Western States, did not injure myself, and still feel hungry for more.

There is something special about that course and I wish I could do it again in a week instead of next year. It’s been a long journey the last 3 years. I once pondered whether it was even conceivable that I run 50 miles and now it is a reality. 

Extremes

Today, I went for a run. Just 2 miles, and I don't necessarily feel great abut it. I've long known that I seem to live in extremes - either I am one thing or I am the other. I'm not good with shades of gray. This is true with running, eating healthy, even writing in my blog, it seems. And, stemming off of this, once I'm in "off" mode, I seem to get paralized sometimes - and it's so hard to get back to the "good" side of things.  I sometimes wonder if my difficulty to "switch" has to do with the fact that I really struggle with change. I find it much easier to let myself stay stuck - even when it's detrimental to me.

Slipping on my somewhat snug running clothes (because bad habits definitely produce results), I felt nervous about trying to switch back to healthy me. Ed was out doing a pre-run so that he could run my small distance with me, and, as I waited, I wondered if I was ready to try to go back to this. If it would work - and if I would be able to make myself run again tomorrow and this weekend. Can I really switch back to on?

I'm still not sure that I have an answer to that - the run was hard and I felt achy and tight. But, maybe it will get better.

I have emailed my doctor to set up an appointment about my leg, but I don't really have much in the way of hope yet. We'll see.

Thanks to those lovely few who are still reading, even though it seems like I'm continuing to write the same messages every few months. Hopefully change will eventually arrive.